As an editor of children's curriculum, I get to write parts of the Bible for children. As best as I can, using the scope and sequence the editing team has crafted, I place the stories in context and use language that is easy to understand. We do not ever touch on stories like the incestual rape of Tamar with children (Though, I also wonder how many adult lessons actually talk about this?). It's violent and sad and very upsetting. You'd first have to explain what sex is to a child, and then you'd have to talk about consensual sex and how sometimes people are forced into giving their sacred bodies to someone else. I can't imagine having that conversation with a child. However, I also can't imagine sending a child out into the world without knowledge of these horrific stories. How can you protect yourself from something you do not know exists?
The ending of Tamar and Amnon's story is just as violent as the rape. Tamar's full brother (Amnon is her half-brother.), Absalom, has Amnon murdered at a dinner in front of all of the male siblings. Vigilante justice is delivered. But is this really justice? Does this "fix" what happened to Tamar? Amnon was sick over his lustful love for his sister. He was so sick over it, his cousin Jonadab noticed Amnon's torture. It wasn't until Jonadab suggests the whole plan to get Tamar into Amnon's room alone, that Amnon even allows his thoughts to become a reality. I wonder what would have happened if Jonadab had kept his mouth shut. Tamar might have never been raped, then Amnon would never had been murdered.
We were asked by Dr. Lester to reflect then add to, change, or delete from the story of Tamar's rape and Amnon's murder. (You can read it here.) I am not sure that I want to do anything to it. This story creates a space for discussion--Is this okay behavior? How might Amnon have dealt with his feelings and desires in a way that honored his body and his sister's body? How do we empower those who have been victimized by rape and rape culture? How do we rehabilitate those who have raped another? What sorts of treatment need to happen so these people can live full graceful lives? What is the role of parents in educating their children in matters of sex? How can we protect ourselves from sexual violence?
I wish that we were already in the midst of God's Kindom, but we aren't. Rape, violence, and murder go on all around us. If the stories in our Bible are meant to help us as people of faith deal with living, we have to have stories that deal with the hardest stuff. Otherwise, victims stay victimized. Things stay in the dark. If we cannot talk about them, then we can do nothing to stop it.
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ReplyDeleteYour post made an interesting point to me: that we skip these types of stories when talking with children. I had my daughter (who is 4.5) run and get her children's bible after I read your post, because I wanted to see what her bible said about this particular passage. It said nothing --- in fact, the stories went from 2 Samuel 1:1-2:4 to 1 Kings 2:1-3. While I was hoping it didn't show the story in detail (I don't think my 4 year old should know all the details yet!), I am surprised it didn't say something like "Amnon was killed" and move on. Anyhow, I appreciate your post and your ability to recognize the open discussion that comes from such a story.
ReplyDeleteVigilante justice is never the answer. I think that another question that comes out of this story that you did not bring up. That question is: "How does society forgive the assaulter?". Our society will hold it against the person for the rest of their life. Some may say that being killed would be better for them. I am not saying that is true for that society or that killing of Amnon is right, but it is something that we should be talking about as part of our society.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good question to ask. I do not believe killing anyone is the answer. That is the opposite of reconciliation. There are ways to hold some one accountable for their actions without inflicting state killings.
DeleteMelissa, I went and grabbed my 9 year olds 3rd grade bible class bible and found it all in there (CEB). However, right after it was a "Life Preserver" section that's title was "Why are there violent stories in the bible?" It touched on lives being messy, King David's responsibility to protect the victim, and how we are all far from perfect. Interesting. In prep for the Pentateuch I watched Prince of Egypt with my kids this weekend :), and there were enough questions in the Disneyfied version about baby killing both on the Egyptian and Hebrew sides! My 6 year old had a hard time understanding it all and kept asking, "Is this a real story?" :)
ReplyDeleteBrittany, I appreciate your thoughtful questions. I appreciate your candor about what is appropriate and not for children. I also appreciate how you hold Jonadab to the fire a bit! Oh my, if he hadn't hatched the plan, would Amnon have acted? Maybe he wasn't so smart to figure it out himself...
I agree - i had a hard time adding to this story. It's a repulsive part of our scriptures. But telling stories about sin and evil and hardship and loss is essential to understanding them and making sense of the difficult things we encounter in life.
ReplyDeleteReading your blog post, I was reminded of a time when my mother, who is a 4th grade teacher, had a conflict with the a parent of a child in her class. This parent shared that they were going through a very messy, ugly divorce and insisted that their child not read ANY books for school that year that made reference to divorce. My mother was pretty upset, because it is her firmly held belief that stories are what help children feel like they aren't alone in their pain or confusion. Pretending terrible things don't happen won't allow us to cope, but perhaps identifying with others who have been through our pain can help us navigate our lives a bit better.